Some question off late in my mind. Is it ok to curse some one? I mean, is there anything wrong with it. Isn’t it something all humans do, isn’t it human tendency to do so? I never felt jealous of my friends. The more they succeed the happier I was, always. And I guess I could say the same for them as well. We laughed together, cried together, rejoiced together and did everything. I hardly recall being envious of them or vice versa.
College life had to come to an end, I know that but I’m still having difficulty letting the fact sink into my brain. I guess we are all having the same problem. So is it true? Is it true, that people from now on will not make good friends? They will always be competitive? They will always envy me when ever I succeed? That every single glass of wine cheering my success contains their bleeding hearts?
I have rarely felt jealous, at least of my friends. The times I did of other, I can count on my fingertips. Felt jealous when the Abc paired up with her and I did nothing but watch. Felt jealous when Xyz betrayed me and got something he didn’t deserve. And other such small things. Now I find myself face to face with someone who can think of nothing but competing me at all times. I’m not a competitive person, I can’t help it. Please leave me alone! I have always been satisfied with my achievements not matter how big or small. I set my own goals and they are in no way relative to yours. I excel where I desire, because my desire is not to beat the other guy at it, it is rather to give it my best shot.
So why do people feel jealous. Why can’t we all feel happy for each other, the way we friends did. I still remember, the day when Wali got a job. He was the last job hunter to get a job. I remember, I was so full of happiness that I didn’t know what to do next. The adrenaline rush was such, that I don’t really remember what I did next. What my exact words to the guy were. I really don’t. I remember a similar state of mind that Alok enjoyed at the time. We didn’t speak to each other at the time, because Bush was sending him to Mars! Lolz, cold war! However, the thing was that we as friends were like family.
So is it really not going to happen again? Will the every other person I meet from now on see me as a threat, compete with me? Is life a race from now on? Would I not be dragged into it? I hope I’m able to stay away from this! I wish to be seen as a friend again, to be understood again, to make their lips spread into genuine smiles when they see me!
wish i had something to comfort you.. i guess with age, some innocence is lost. u remember what dj says is rang de basanti..probably holds true.
ReplyDeleteyet, i think we are lucky to know some people atleast, jo shayad hamesha dua he de , still i think the best part..dont you think we always will have stories to tell of each other, ki shayad something special and magical existed.
a sense of belonging, love, bond..jo bhi bolo, everything needs investment in form of time, commitment, innocence..its not going to be easy from now. it has never been for anyone. best we can do is hold on to each other.
Hmmm.. quite a thought process going on. :)
ReplyDeleteDo you want to curse somebody ? Go ahead & do it but on one condition.. only if he/she has hurt you badly not because they are competing with you.
You talk of competition ? Wasn’t it there in school/college ? It was very much there but we (at least some of us) took it differently. We used to help each other to move up with us. We wanted to taste the success together.. hand in hand.. couldn’t have seen anyone of us left behind. We loved each other. We didn’t think of future as we do today. We were living & enjoying our present. Future to survive was to survive together.
But now, the equation is different. Most of the times we are worried about our future & think those were immature college days though they were the best days. The meaning of the word ‘our’ has changed. It now has different people, different thoughts in it and seldom will have those who have shaped our ‘our’ of that time. That was selfless, this is selfish.
Life won’t be as before and we must admit that. But now it depends on us, whether to change or not. Sometimes we can hold onto our past to feel better & to keep us moving. Healthy competition is always good but this is not healthy, this is mad rat race.
Oh sorry, just realized my comment has become longer than your post. As usual.. was blurting out my insane thoughts.
@Alok,
ReplyDeleteno sir I do not remember what Dj said in RDB. Oh boy! im loosing innocence fast and very fast so you dont have to worry about that :)
I wonder how long we will remember all that. How long before we forget the value of what existed and is lost! If I do then i shall!
Cheers!
@Cuckoo,
ReplyDeleteThe thing is, how do you refrain yourself from cursing someone who constantly keeps pulling you down? Is it possible. I would surely call such a guy as bastard or whatever. I always kept my life free of tensions, always. I never let anything bother me. My teachers used to threaten me, taht they will fail etc and do this or that. I never gave it a damn, never! So what do I do with a person who constantly tries to bring instability to my life? A person that constantly bugs me with all the little things.
Competition was all ways there Cuckoo, but the thing is taht there were people around who could be made friends. What do you do in a scenario, where everyone is trying to compete against you? To the extent tat they steal your notes, backbiting with the teachers and stuff like that. I have forever stayed away from such things, Thanks you god for that!
About competition making you do things! I would not agree to that. There have been times when I did the best in class. It was never out of competition, it was my desire to give it my best shot. Good teachers, and challenges made me do so. I never competed, never! For me "to excel" is a personal thing. It doest mean exceling more than others, but to excel at my own standards, it is about outdoing myself!
Cheers!
I had decided quiet sometime back that I aint gonna post any comments on your blog from now on but since I have been mentioned in this post in a particular context I almost feel I need to put this across...
ReplyDeleteI wont ever forget how happy you were when I got that job...I wont ever forget that it seemed as if my job was literally your job...I wont ever forget that Vodka bottle which Alok had left in my room as a suprise and you should never forget that I wouldnt have been happy at all if I wudnt have been able to share the moment with you guys.
Oh some little misunderstanding here.
ReplyDeleteWell, your last paragraph is also talking about the competition… but with yourself, with your own standards… to beat the present standard. Even I had competition with myself.
*how do you refrain yourself from cursing someone who constantly keeps pulling you down? * Well, I don’t think there is a single way out. First, you have to be mentally strong to accept that this happens. And then put your best foot ahead. We all will have diff. ways to do it. Someone will call them bastards as you said, some will pick up a fight and some other will continue to do their work & show them or a combination of all.
I think I am going off track ya pata nahi. Not in a good shape these days. lolz
Anyways, All the best !!
@Cuckoo,
ReplyDeleteNo not at all, reading you comment, i feel that im the one going off-track. Once upon a time I messed up big time. Police was involved, and I was absconding for a week. The details can be furnished if asked for. However at that time, my dad said these lines to me ...
"Think of life as a journey on a train. With each station, some people get off and other get on. If along the journey the train has halted at a station and some one slaps you and runs off, will you run behind him and loose the train or keep sitting in the train?"
Cuckoo ka toh pata nahi but yeah I would have left the train, would have caught that stupid bugger,slaughtered him & then would have waited for the next train to where ever I was going...huh
ReplyDelete@Jack
ReplyDeleteThese things go without saying. Somehow we valued these things when we had them, despite not knowing what it would be without them. In general life, you first loose a thing and then learn its value. That however wasnt true then. Waise why did you stop commenting sir, if I may ask!
@Jack,
ReplyDeleteNow that why your dad reffers to you as a bugger! Lolz
Because I dont have a Blog for which I need to maintain incoming traffic...lol
ReplyDelete@Jack,
ReplyDeletehahaha
Lolz
@Beast,
ReplyDeleteSo, you learnt the lesson from your father or still pondering?
@Jack,
Yeah, I wouldn't have jumped off the train physically but inside I would have done the same as you've mentioned & I guess that's even more difficult to do.
@Cuckoo,
ReplyDeleteThere are two sides to me, the gentleman and the beast. I try to keep the later one under covers and still trying hard to learn to control my temperament. But yes I did learn something from what my dad said!