It rained!

Talking to my friend Gurjeet today, I suddenly realized something. One of the most exciting thing that ever happened to me is somehow linked to one of the saddest as well. Something I hadn’t ever realized. The story is of my first ever crush. I guess the first crush is absolutely the most amazing one. Aint it? The strange feeling. You didn’t really know that you would feel this way for a girl. All those romantic movies start making sense, and though hard to admit, but the first crush does make you some sort of pervert! Doesn’t it? You change the way you talk to girls. Friendship with a girl has a whole new meaning then. Doesn’t it?

I could hardly remember the name of my first crush, but I absolutely remembered her face. Tried hard and finally called up one of my schoolmates. Golda, yup! A calm placid face, never too expressive but a constant gentle smile at all times. She was nothing less than a fairy. I never really figured it out as to how and when exactly did I develop feelings for her, but it was all such a smooth transition. Still remember how I stole glances at her in the class. Always looking for signs of her stealing glances from me. Ahh! Never happened! But still the feeling was great.

But it would be highly unjust to say nothing happened. I always got involved in co-curricular activities. To a very great extent. Never really was interested in the academics. Had a performance on stage in a short while and walked straight into the green room to get prepared. The place was supposed to be full of boys and girls. There shouldn’t have been a problem. I walked straight into the room and gosh! No! I shouldn’t have seen so much! I was far too young and she was far too bare. Of all the girls in there, she was the only one my eyes met. Standing barely 2 meters apart from each other, just gazing into each others eyes. She made no attempts to cover up or anything as such. I was too much in love and she was too much in shock! Yes, she couldn’t have been in love with me. It must have lasted not more than 20-30 seconds and yet it seemed like ages. All the while I just looked into her eyes and nothing beyond. My first ever eye lock with her, and till date the most beautiful. Finally breaking the spell I was under, I walked away and out. Never spoke a word of it to anyone in my class. Never! But we did warm up to each other a bit after that. Had many more eye-locks after that.

The feeling was beautiful, though like always, I never really did anything about it. After a month she disappeared. It had been a week, and I couldn’t ask anyone, as to why she wasn’t there. It would have made it far too obvious. And then it rained one night. Rained a lot! Rivers turn muddy brown when it rains that much. I had a river flowing in front of my house. Half the city was flooded, and I had every bloody reason not to go to school that day. I just did, cause I thought she might turn up today. No she hadn’t come today either, but I discovered why! We observed 5 minutes of silence as instructed by Mr. Kurian Koshy. Finally stuffed into a bus, we were taken to her house. Didn’t speak a word to anyone that morning. The loss was hardly mine, but I didn’t know how to react. I chose to keep mum.

It was the first ever funeral in my life. I had never been to one. Once there, all I wanted was a look at her. Just one look! Everything about the funeral is still too vague to me. All the while, I was just wondering, as to how hard it must have been on her. Imagined what life would be in such a situation. Imagined what is going to happen with her next. The final moment came. I finally saw her. But that was no pretty sight. They tried to close the coffin. Everyone was pulled away so that they could. And then she put her hand in it. Begged them to let it be open a while longer. They couldn’t refuse her. No they just couldn’t! I perched on my friends shoulder, trying to have a look. I don’t know how I forgot what I had seen that day. She bent over her father’s dead body in the coffin. A very silent sob that I could hear amongst the thousand others. Bending over she placed the one last kiss on his cheek. Slowly rising up, a drop of tear that had been there for a while slipped off her tender face and fell onto his now black cheek. Backing off, I thought it must have been raining, for my eyes were wet as well. Still oblivious why? Embarrassed, I tried to hide my tears, trying to wipe them off before anyone else saw them, especially my friends, still didn’t want to make things obvious. Turning back to them, they were weeping as well!

The cascade of tears. Maybe we were all in love with her, or maybe we all loved our parents!